Name: Kiki --kikimina@msn.com---
Age: Fifteen
Birthdate: October 4, 1987
Locale: California
Interests: Books, Psychology, Theology, Anime, Manga, Politics, com-poo-ters (heh heh), Poetry
--Older Entries--
Favorites
Anime/manga: Rurouni Kenshin OVAs, Trigun, Fruits Basket, Hana Yori Dango, Legend of Basara, Chobits, Hanazakari no Kimitachi~e
Singers: tATu, Lifehouse, Something Corporate, Garbage, Utada Hikaru, Ayumi Hamasaki, Lee Jung Hyun
Music genre: Rock and Classical mostly, but I like a wide range of music
Books: Shining Through, Daughter of Fortune, Portrait in Sepia, Harry Potter series (ha ha, yes, I was infected) Brave New World
Sports: Tae Kwon Do, Tennis, Volleyball is fun
Links
--Maboroshi--
--The Insane Writer's Guild--
--Neopets--
--ANIME EXPO!!!--
--Pitas--
Layout Info
Creator: --Wendy--
Disclaimer: Neither I nor the --Creator-- of this layout have and claim to the copyright, they belong to the respectable owners/creators. Images are hosted on
--Netfirms--. This journal is hosted on
--Pitas--
This particular rant took place at // 11:32 a.m. // on // Sunday, March 30, 2003 //
Hummin' to // The world is not enough by garbage //
feeling sorta // hopeless //
I want my life to be...well, BETTER than this. What am I living? It's just..emptiness. Even after everything passes, the bad things, after all that is gone, what do I have? Nothing really... I can't make anything for myself, I have nothing, on this level anyway. I know none of that will matter after I go to heaven, after I die, But what do I have here? It's stupid to say that I'm only human, because humans are really powerful. We've created the microwave, the electric car, the donut! There has to be something I can do.
And even when I try, there is also the budget problem. It really..sucks. What do I have? I need a car, and I need a job. One day, maybe I'll actually be able to leave this 'life' and make something from myself. Maybe I wont join the military, so many people are telling me not to do it, that it's not worth it. If that's true, maybe I'll make something else, open my own practice or something, something good. I'll need a financial adviser or something. ARgh, this is pissing me off. I'll have to know the world. Know the world.
And once again, I'm going off on a tangent. I'll start piano, after driver's ed. I'll need to actually *get* a piano then. ergh >.< What has my life come to?
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 09:05 p.m. // on // Friday, March 28, 2003 //
Hummin' to // Sick Cycle Carousel by Lifehouse //
feeling sorta // Hey, i'm feeling sadistic, that's a feeling, right? //
Five words to describe me at this point:
Sadistic
Abandoned
Desolate
Void
Violent
And this morning?
Hyper
Happy
Excited
Cheerful
Productive
The world swings like this, I guess. I go into these weird swings, I'm happy and sad at the same time, I'm the type who'd laugh at a funeral, but for an entirely different reason. I laughed when Mulan's dad fell in the mud. Everybody else was crying o.O This makes me feel a little awkward. I mean, a cripple falling in the mud, THAT'S FUNNY. Mushu is not funny, mushu is a sad, lonely, little man...dragon...thing. What does this make me? I mean, that was *supposed* to be funny, right? Alright. Next time, I'll cry, I'm a good actress. And we'll cry at the next funeral we go to. we've never been. They're probably scared we'd laugh or something. much love
-Kiki
This particular rant took place at // 04:30 p.m. // on // Tuesday, March 25, 2003 //
Hummin' to // breathing by lifehouse //
feeling sorta // dead... //
I feel so lifeless...Everything around me is falling apart, and it's sad how I let it happen like this. I'm always depressed, always complaining, and it's not fair for those people who have it way worse than me. I'd say too bad for them, cuz they haven't lost the things that I have, and that's the only way you can miss something, if you'd had it before.
One of trisha's best friends just committed suicide two days ago...He hung himself. He was christian, He was from a bad family, and he was on a respirator for a little bit. He was paralyzed from the neck down and he died the day after. I pray that he went to heaven.
On a lighter topic, I'm still having those weird dreams. The ones right before gawui happens. gawui is the korean term for "scissors" or night paralysis. It happens about every other day to me, and I've heard stories of it happening to other people, but not that often or intense. I can't move my body, other than my eyes, I can't talk, I can just stare at the clock and pray to God. And it's a little bit more heard of for it to happen once, and then just go back to sleep and not worry about it, but I wake up every five minutes and it happens again and again. Yesterday and the day before, the dream was really weird. It happened before too...I was being forcefully kissed by a static man, he was literally made of like..glossy static...like liquid static. and then he was pacing the room, and then he stared at me...and then there was this person on my patio in a cloak, and he was staring at me too...anyway, I woke up and I couldn't move, and I felt like..a presence, ghost, ethereal thingy in my room, and it was grey and smokey. Scary. Everytime I tried to move any part of my body besides my eyes, I hear this really high pitched scream..like a woman's being tortured or something. I don't know if I can stand this crap any more. It's weird and scary and maybe it's the reason for my insomnia @.@
oh well...I'll figure everything out one day. Much love
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 02:11 p.m. // on // Friday, March 21, 2003 //
Hummin' to // n0t n0thin' //
feeling sorta // 1 H473 l33t o.O //
This keyboard is really dusty...and crappy. I'm at school right now, it's period six so I'm out of here soon. I got my permit on wednesday and ever since, I've been forcing my mom to give me rides to places x.x. I hate my sister...I don't know, I just feel like I have to say that every couple minutes, it helps me vent my anger towards her. Gar. BTW, did I mention that 1 h473 l33t? @.@ i mean, writing it can be fun once in a while, but people like morgan posting all their messages in that weird language is getting on my nerves @.@
I also have to state again that I feel horrible for all the people suffering out there because of what we're doing as a country.
I'm really bored so this is going to be a sort of long message. I'm still counting on Silvina to give me the fabrics for the dresses that Wendy and I are going to make. Hopefully, she'll have the chiffon soon, then we can work out exactly what we want the designs to be. Personally, I think wendy's dress is going to be impossible to make. Maybe we'll be able to pull it off. I better not be paying for all the thread o.O or materials, etc. >.< I'm freakin' broke. I still owe Xing about $300 out of $450, so far I've payed 150 and I have about 50 saved for the next money order I'm sending him. So you can see I'm sort of at a loss of what to do in regards to money.
It sucks when you have to rely on someone you really hate...*cough cough jean-bitch cough cough* grr >.< once again, 1 h473 l33t.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 10:17 p.m. // on // Wednesday, March 19, 2003 //
Hummin' to // I want to save you by Something Corporate //
feeling sorta // Sad/Depressed //
So much stupid stuff going on out there. Those poor people in Iraq, this shouldn't have happened. If our president had a little bit of diplomacy and stopped being so self righteous, so many problems could have been solved from the start. He wanted war from the beginning, it's disgusting. It makes me sad to think that people should die from his impatience...
For all the people that have died and that will die throughout the world due to these battles, I pray for their souls, that they'll find heaven somehow. Yeah, that sounds about right. And for the soldiers who are fighting for their lives and the freedom of Iraq and other countries, I will pray that they return home safely.
Politics is a touchy subject, and I cant get too in depth on it because, frankly, I don't know much about it. All I know is that Bush's and 'the administration's' decisions were unnecessary and for this country's personal profit. However, now that we are going through with this war and probably another one against n. korea after, I hope we can liberate as many states as possible. Particularly in North Korea, because I actually know what's going on there. It's very near my native country, and I hope for everybody's well being. I have a lot of family near North Korea, they reside in seoul, but even besides that, Kim Il Jong and his regime are starving their own citizens, taking their food from under them to feed the North Korean army. Very few people are living well in that country, and of them, Kim Il Jong, their "president" is stuffing his face and flaunting it. He really is narcissistic. Anyway, he's training his son to take over after him, just as his father did. President is just a title for this truly tyrannical rule, It's not going to get any better unless somebody does something about it. America could very well be the solution that this starving country needs to get back on its feet and be productive. The first thing we need to do is get rid of Kim Il Jong and his regime, but by no means harm any of the citizens. They don't want this. They're starving and they can't get out. We send them food and the army just steals it. Gotta do one thing after another, not just jumble it up into a huge mess.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 05:47 p.m. // on // Tuesday, March 18, 2003 //
Hummin' to // nothing //
feeling sorta // Fucked up... //
I hate my entire family. I hate Korean culture, I despise it. What's up with those Koreans who have all this shitty Korean pride? Sure pride in country is great, but pride in a culture that's gone wrong is seriously weird. These people are conditioned to believe that controlling females is good. And it sucks cuz the girls go along with it cuz they're so fucking used to it. Being the youngest girl in a family dominated by men is not happy, they tell me what to do constantly, they make fun of me and when I get mad, they yell at me. Those fucking bastards, I'll kill them one day. And I know it'd be all good and fun if I were actually joking.
I hate my sister. She's just a goddamned bitch. Anything I say to her, she replies with this stupid curt "yeah, well duh" or some kind of retort said just to make me mad. And I can't say anything to her because I'm forced to rely on her to give me a ride home from school everyday. And I'm wondering, "mom quit work, she was supposed to take me home.." but NOOOO~, she plays GOLF everyday, and she's to busy to pick me up from school like she promised and she makes my sister (who hates me, by the way)do it instead. That's not happy. My brother? I won't even go in depth on this. He's a bastard, He yells to get what he wants and he cries to get out of taking his sister to the library, 'nuff said. (oh yeah, he doesn't go to school, he doesn't have a job and he's a fat bastard) My dad? I feel sorry for him sometimes. He works really hard, He tries to make things work. But I can't help but hate him, he's generally a bad person. He makes "wife" do everything for him, he comes home, plops on the couch and calls for water, or food, or a fuckin' cigarette holder. What is wrong with this picture? What am I supposed to do? there would be so many less arguments if I had the chance to get a fucking car, but things got worse with that debt thing, and we 'only' have five cars, one of which we don't even fucking use! so why can't I have one? BECAUSE my parents don't want to deal with it! but they HAVE to because the whole family is yelling all the time, about me. About me, about my grades, my going places I need to get to, anything. And it would all work out if I had a car, really, it would. I could get out of the house when I needed to instead of running out and getting chased down by my sister with her fucking lexus, I could go study somewhere less *noisy* and without my mom yelling at me 24/7, I can run errands for people instead of getting yelled at for some weird reason in regards to why there isn't any more dog food...you see the little pictures make up the big picture, and for some reason they all lead to my having a car! lol, this is the good part, I CAN'T GET ONE. Because for some reason, they want that truck from the general service business that we lost a quarter of a million dollars for! Now, let's just say we sold the Chevy Avalanche (which was pretty expensive) I can get a used sedan for myself, and they can get a different used truck for the store (that they're closing in less than a month, mind you) but they dont' want to *deal* with it, like the rest of my life! you have bad grades? get good ones and we'll give you money. You have skin cancer? okay we'll give the doctor some money, you have a shattering emotional problems? it's okay, deal with it, here's some money. You need a car? oh, but we have to deal with 50 hours behind the wheel! i'm not gonna spend that much time on you! GET IT? that's enough ranting for a few days, but it probably wont keep me going for that long. Adios.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 05:18 p.m. // on // Saturday, March 15, 2003 //
Hummin' to // fly me to the moon by Utada Hikaru (Frank Sinatra original) //
feeling sorta // pretty good //
If I'm lucky, I can get my permit next week. It's a lot sooner than I thought it would be so i'm pretty happy about that. However, hoooooome isn't getting any better ¬.¬ I argue with my entire family daily, it's getting really tiring and smelly. The situation, not the house. o.O ... Anyway, I've been thinking about certain things, and it's pretty obvious that I wont be getting a car anytime soon. My family just lost 250,000 bux investing in our tire shop. It really sucks. We're in serious debt right now, and if we have to close the shop without selling, our credit is going to go way down, and then we wont be able to borrow half million dollars at a time from the bank anymore. We're trying to sell, but the guy my dad's talking to is trying to not give us money, but not let our credit go down either, he just wants to take it out of my dad's hands. What a bastard, huh? *sighs* I hope my family gets over this. No matter how much I fight with them, i have to remember that they're also people. *yawns*
I'M SO BROKE. i need money x.x I've lived such a sheltered life. Long time ago, it was just "ask for it and you'll get it" but now I really realize how big of a financial dip we're in..it's more like the bottom of a shallow lake...make that a deep lake...make that the deepest lake...pacific ocean, there we go. aggggh,, how could we love 250000 dollars??? My dad really needs an accountant or financial adviser or something like that. whatever, i'm going to get a job, i'm going to make my own money, and I'll pay back my dad if he buys me a car in monthly cheques or something. gotta go, see ya later, well off assholes -_-;
Oh yeah, before I forget, I'm
Goddess of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks
about you at times. But hey, pain is beauty,
right?
What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla I tried to get Black to take it too, but she refused..go figure @.@
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 03:34 p.m. // on // Wednesday, March 12, 2003 //
Hummin' to // chobits cuz i don't have anything else right now //
feeling sorta // okay...crappy...and happy at the same time x.x //
I'm crappy cuz my FUCKING SISTER WONT LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. She's trying to like, change my personality or something, it's really pissing me off. And in the car, she was really really really rude to my friend, Sarah. It pissed me off so bad but I didn't say anything because i didn't want to get in a fight with my sister with sarah in the car. It's pissing me off so bad! argh argh argh.
oh yeah, there's good news too, silvina's dad is the owner of a clothes factory! And he's giving me free materials! oh i love this! ngyah ngyah ngyah ngyah ngyah! love love love love, oh yeah, i've come back to this blog after a couple hours, so i've cooled down a little bit from my previous ranting mood. I hate my sister, but I love costumes! i'm gonna make it so prettyful! much love, *blows a kiss* anywho, trisha's letting me go to her dance studio and get some other materials too, so it'll be really cool XD -kiki
This particular rant took place at // 11:00 p.m. // on // Tuesday, March 11, 2003 //
Hummin' to // not nothin' at the moment //
feeling sorta // pretty happy //
I got a C on my bio test, My english teacher isn't counting a powerpoint presentation I worked for days on, I'm really tired and my sister still sucks. But you know what? I'm truly actualy happy. It's weird. But for one, I can finally pay Xing back for the computer, My old computer works and I retrieved a bunch of anime I used to have, Wendy and I are making dresses to cosplay with at A/X and I'm getting my permit soon. Life's good or bad depending on how you see it. Tomorrow, I'll probly be pissed about these very same things, despite that, I should live in this moment, while i'm still happy.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 04:40 p.m. // on // Tuesday, March 4, 2003 //
Hummin' to // Show me love by tATu //
feeling sorta // I feel like i'm stuck in the hole of a donut called faith with all the hate and malice and pain... //
Sitting here, doing nothing to the naked eye. Really, i'm arguing with myself- no, not her, just myself. It's hard to get to know things when things are always in the way of those things....Kill me and you'll be happy. I'll give you my cds, you'll like me. I find out the true meaning of hating somebody, because you can't help but love them. And you hate them for not noticing, and you know you cant do anything about it. Why is life like this?
Am I just going through a "stage"? Maybe it's best if I dont' leave this stage then, I want answers and before I go growing up, I want answers to real life. real life. I always thought there was this thing of knowledge you'd get after ten, then 12, then 15. Nothing's happened yet...maybe at 16 you learn why life is not really a bad thing, or was that 18? is it 50? I'll wait till then , I suppose, then I wont get what I'm looking for, and I'll have to turn to The Book for answers that can't be explained, yet I'll know they're true because my faith wont let me ask questions.
Stars
tATu
How did we ever go this far?
You touch my hand and start the car
And for the first time in my life, I'm crying
Are we in space? Do we belong
Some place where no one calls it wrong?
And like the stars we burn away the miles.
How did we ever get this far?
It shouldn't have to be this hard.
Now for the first time in my life, I'm flying
Are we in love? Do we deserve
To bear the shame of this whole world?
And like the night, we camoflauge denial.
How did we ever go this far?
You touch my hand and start the car
And for the first time in my life, I'm crying.
Are we in love? Do we deserve
To bear the shame of this whole world?
And like the night, we camoflauge denial.
I'm feeling like that right now o.O it's a beautiful song. A song relates with 'everybody' of course. I'm having trouble with Her again, and it's just like this...
This particular rant took place at // 05:33 p.m. // on // Monday, March 3, 2003 //
Hummin' to // 30 minut by tATu //
feeling sorta // depressed, you know, teen-y //
I'm at home right now, midday. I'm not feelin' so great, but there are few times I am. Despite that, I can't help but live in the moment. so, cry cry, sob sob. This song isn't helping either o.O okay, now i changed it to a different song ^^ more upbeat, but by the same artist. Still feeling like crap though @.@
I'm going to start driver's ed soon, and piano. But i dont' know if we have enough to buy a new piano, it would suck if I didnt get to practice at home @.@ Oh well, now's not the time to ask. Like I said to kin, I wish I didn't have to be this way, you know? this age, this situation with my family, and all that jazz o.O My friends especially, I can't find anybody that I can relate to, be free around. I feel like i'm losing my closeness with wendy too, i've actually been feeling like that for a while, but I thought it was because of all her competitions. I don't think that's it anymore. I wish it could be like it was long time ago, when we didn't have to care about 'real life'. It sucks that way, everything sucks that way. Oh, to be a child. I'm really understanding now, what it's like to be both a child and an adult. It's scary trying to be both. We all need to be free once in a while. It's not gonna work like this, life'll never work out like this. I have to be strong, we both have to, I'll make it a point to keep black in line as long as we're around the family and dog. I doubt she'd do anything to family, but she doesn't see the dog as anything but a poop machine. Not a comfy feeling.
What if she wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to kill something? that's a scary thought in itself. I have to go, do homework and stuff...homework blah, homework blah
This particular rant took place at // 02:39 p.m. // on // Sunday, March 2, 2003 //
Hummin' to // 30 minut by tatu //
feeling sorta // sober...? //
Little time for anything, nowadays. I'm stuck doing lossa homework. Thinking about life-you know, the usual? Lol, i'm so boring @.@ depending on how you look at it, my life is both really easy and really hard. it's easiest when I let myself go, obviously. When I lose my temper or get really excited, life is easy, i can kick people and scream and stab pillows all i want and it wont matter because, at that moment, i'm free. Then i start thinking about it afterwards, at that moment, I'm really taking in what I did or felt- it's hard in that way. It gets harder and harder to come back to the way I should be, why cant I stay free? I suppose it's my obligations...to her and my family, to live a normal life. We don't have to be free outside, as long as we can keep our sanity, which is all we have at this point, all that we can control for ourselves. That's what she says anyway. Oh well, I can't depend on my family or her to keep me stable forever. We're all going to have to part, right?
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 05:03 p.m. // on // Saturday, March 1, 2003 //
Hummin' to // kirei na kanjou from noir //
feeling sorta // ...conflicted //
I'm very..confused right now. I don't really know how things are going to go from here. I don't know anything about anything right now. I'm torn between things, I know I can't be close friends with certain people from school, they don't understand. That's hard and people might say overused teenage crap, but it's all true.
Everybody really does feel like they're the center of the world. It's hard not to, I dont' want to live for somebody else, yet i can't live entirely for myself. I need to be able to share everything with someone, and everything itself isn't even that much. not when it comes down to it. it's all shock factor, isn't it? I'm really confused, and sad at this moment...The more I think about it, the more confusing it gets. I tend to use very simplistic terms when explaining things, and in retrospect, i know i've been living my whole life like that. i say "to many, it may seem something something", but that many is just what i believe, or what I think other people believe. It's all my own stereotype, right? Or it might be my awareness of other people, i can't just "know" them after all.
Everybody wants to have their own little secrets, they always wanna keep everybody guessing. Or that could just be me, again, shock factor. Is this part of being a teenager? I hope so.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 01:44 p.m. // on // Thursday, February 27, 2003 //
Hummin' to // not nothin' //
feeling sorta // hungee >.< //
allo, i'm at school right now, in the library. We're doing some poetry analysis thing for English, but i'm too hungry to think and, of course, I think somebody spit in my water bottle- I wont take chances. So now I'm thirsty too @.@ great great great great.
There's this problem, i went to the orthodontist yesterday and my teef hurt like shiznit, and I'm supposed to go to dinner with my family today. I guess I'll ask the waiter to like, turn a steak into a smoothie @.x rib eye shake. lol.
we're starting, dun dun dun, my teacher's writing poem names on ripped pieces of paper @.x organized, ain't we? anywayz, i have to go now, off to do classwork with class people. gum is good, gum is kind. buhbye!~
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 05:53 p.m. // on // Wednesday, February 26, 2003 //
Hummin' to // breathing by lifehouse //
feeling sorta // chocolatey //
lol, I just got back from the orthodontist. blagh, i hate that place.
Anywho, I did really bad on a bio test today, how do they expect us to memorize phylums and genuses n' stuff? argh, i was about to strangle the teacher @.x so was everybody else though, she ended up having to curve the grade to a low low b, guess that's good ^^
I want to start piano soon, i think i'd be decent at it given the amount of time i spend making sure my fingers are coordinated (typing) ^^, also, i've gotten addicted to diablo...again @.@ I'm trying to get Kin to start playing too.
i guess my sister influenced this a lot, but I want to go to europe inbetween my high school and college year, i'll just skip a year of school. Then i'd be the same age as everybody else, instead of a year younger XD. Elsa said she wanted to go, so did some other people. I doubt they'd be able to. I want to go with people, cuz i don't wanna be all alone when I get there, but I dont' wanna go on tour groups or anything, i don't know...too scheduled. i hate those kinds of things, i'd like a one on one view of the world from my own eyes instead of everybody else's decisions. did that make any sense? I turned in my paper today, for "Psychological Aspects of Combat and Combat Training in the U.S Military" dun dun dun~ sounds all complex, but it was really pretty simple. *snore* Anywho, Wendy went to florida today, for a dance competition w/ her school. She didn't seem very prepared for the trip, so i'll pray for her safety and stuff. lets all our stresses be not anymore ^^ I wonder if anybody reads this thing...hope so or else it'd be here for nothing ._. that's a little depressing...I'm gonna go sulk now...
This particular rant took place at // 07:30 p.m. // on // Monday, February 24, 2003 //
Hummin' to // //
feeling sorta // //
1. What time is it? 6:56 pm
2. Name: sushi white
3. Nickname(s): Sushibabi, sush sush, susherz (etc), white, sue-butt…to my eternal shame
4. Names of Parents: James and Tina
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake. I don’t remember…not saying I’m old or anything o.O 6. Date that you regularly blow them out?: somewhere near my birthday
7. Pets: Malcolm
8. Eye color: dark brown
9. Hair color: lots….lots of colors, it basically covers the entire spectrum, minus white? I’m sure there’s a few overly bleached locks
10. Piercings: two on any given ear
11. Tattoos: ew
12. How much do you love your job? THIS much! *gives you the finger*
Favorite Color: dark, dark blue
14. Birth town: LA
15. Current Residence: orange county
16. Favorite food: boba and sushi
17. Been to Africa: negative 18. Been toilet papering? Well, I’m stabbed bushes with forks….everybody else was tping and I didn’t want to be so lame. Bush stabbing-that’s the way to go.
19. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Loving someone shouldn’t be the source of tears, unless they were of happiness, but that’s corny too. Well, I’m not a masochist or anything, but crying should generally occur when one is sad….so the tears wouldn’t the result of loving somebody, they’d exist because that person did something worth crying about. Worth being sad about, now I can say I’ve done that.
20. Been in a car accident: heh heh, it involved cell phones
21. Croutons or bacon bits? I’d prefer neither
22. Sprite or 7 UP? Well, if I had to choose, it would be 7 up, but root beer is better than both, and nestea sweetened iced tea lemon flavor is better than any other drink, however, boba is always the best drink/cassava root combination.
23. Favorite Movie: it hasn’t come out yet, but firefly will be up there for sure. Besides that, Mansfield park, memento (I just got reminded of this movie by wendy’s survey, and remembered how good it was, thoroughly twisted, delightful till the end.
24. Favorite Holiday: I don’t know…I suppose though, since I have no real preference, it would have to be Easter, that being the day jesus rose again and all…well representing the day. Anyway, after that, I’d say Christmas, a time of well being and whatnot.
25. Favorite day of the week: Thursday….it feels good just knowing…”one more day, just one more day” ….gives you a reason to keep on going cuz there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
26. Favorite word or phrase: “Come and find me at the end.”
27. Favorite Toothpaste: ooh, that colgate mouthwash toothpaste, it tastes like wintergreen!
28. Favorite Restaurant: I like restaurants with clean table clothes and a pretty window view. It makes for a good dramatic scene…
29. Favorite Flowers: don’t have one, they generally make me die(allergies and all, whatever will I do at my wedding?)
30. Favorite Drink: bobabobabobaboba…..yeah, that many… it’s necessary to keep my vitals going.
31. Favorite sport to watch: got none in particular, I love to play sports….it’s just…more involved!
32. Preferred type of ice cream: vanilla
33. Favorite Sesame Street Character: sesame seeds?
34. Disney or Warner Bros: “the answer’s in you, it can ONLY be you”
36. When was your last hospital visit? Oh yeah! I remember that, it was the last time I went to the hospital.
37. What color is your bedroom carpet? peachy
38. How many times did you fail your drivers test? I don’t have my license or permit, so nonoe
39. Who is the last person you got email from before this? wendy
40. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Nope, well, unless you mean by my dad with his manifesto…
41. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? Seeing as how I don’t have one, none, but if I did and it would be okay to have a huge debt, it would be…the giantestest mall whichever that may be.
42. What do you do most often when you are bored? Play D2 or practice tae kwon do…
43. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest: probly be kin, but I don’t talk to him much anymore
44. Most annoying thing people ask me? “can I borrow *some amount of money*, I promise I’ll pay you back *some time in the very very far future* or…well, if I get the money” …nobody really says that to me, but it WOULD annoy me so much. I guess it’s mom with “GO TO SLEEP, BBALI JAH! SHANG NOMI!”
45. Bedtime: eh, according to my mom, 9 30, well that’s when she starts yelling, I usually go sleep around…some way later time/date.
46. Who will respond: eh
47. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? eh
48. Favorite all time TV show: SIMPSONS! …alias, firefly, many others….SIMPSONS
49. Last person you went out to dinner with: mmm…that would have to be my sister, I think. She had nasty chicken and I had nasty salmon…
50. Last Movie you saw: daredevil
51. Last book you read: I’m currently reading Antigone, in book form, and I just finished Dante’s Inferno.
52. What u want to be when u grow up? Psychologist, most likely clinical, but I’d like to see if I can become a military psychologist. Deal with all the sociopaths and what not, then I’ll open my own practice.
53. Time when you finished these questions: 7:22 PM
I have a crockload of time to waste, whatever. I'll study your mind, my head is tilted sideways, oooh scary, it's actually a good method to see if you're left or right brained. lol, doubt that holds much merit anymore though, gotta have a good strong cerebral cortex. *plays guitar with her cerebral cortex* aww, it only plays a few notes, AHHH I RIPPED SOME OF THEM! whatever, i know that shape, it's round and orange and..and..fruit, food, yummy, sweet and tangy..it's ..("orange????") YEAH that one, orange..^^
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 09:07 p.m. // on // Wednesday, February 19, 2003 //
Hummin' to // I'll fly with you by gigi d'agostino //
feeling sorta // allo allo, i'm migh'y chippa //
shoul' ah spayk with an aussie accen'? I' es migh'y difficult, would't yuh sahy? I go' i' from fayahflahy. Ca't ge' tu mu'ch fayahflahy, I can'. Nah ahm jus' soun'in' stupid. Mahybay I shoul' jus' stop whahy'll ahm ahea'
that started turning alabama outbackish...nothing against folks from the alabama outback, o' course ^^, i'm californian, just call me ditzy. Yes, do that. *glares* jk ^^. It's been a while since i've written in this, whatever. I've been so busy, lately. Went to the dentist and had a coughing fit while he was using the drill. Ditched 4 and 5th period writing a 6 page essay for english, i finished! woo hoo!but i missed those periods so I guess i done bad. x.x...
sue is bad, well, yeah, that's a given -_- forgive me, gotta go tackle my homework...that doesn't exist. My mom is certaini i haven't done something, while the truth of the matter is: i've done homework and then some. *dies again*
This particular rant took place at // 07:35 p.m. // on // Thursday, February 13, 2003 //
Hummin' to // Breathing by Lifehouse //
feeling sorta // Torn...-white //
I'm having a hard time making the transition. She's making it harder, her views are very...odd...I don't know if I want her there...It might just be better to keep all her traits to me and let me be able to keep an eye on them...but then I can't live like that. I need her to control herself..but I can only lose some of mine...which would defeat the purpose of splitting myself in the first place.. She's hard to keep an eye on, is for sure, there's no walls to hold her, except all that she can do inside of us, I guess. Oh well, she'll be bound to me forever, she's less than me, and I can count on that...I guess we really are nothing without each other, or maybe half of what we used to be...We both know the things at stake, but she seems to push it to the edge, she hates half my friends and openly says horrible things about them...ugh, i don't know...feeling sad, feeling bad, but most of all, feeling ...clothing clad? jk jk @.x She's happier then I am, which is weird, cuz she's the morbid violent one -_- see ya later.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 02:02 p.m. // on // Tuesday, February 11, 2003 //
Hummin' to // Spin by Lifehouse //
feeling sorta // Morbid...*knife-alicious* //
Hilo, I'm in Engrish right now. Feelin' alright, I guess. The weekend's over, school's begun and I feel sad ._. Anyway, I came back from Amerige last night with new clothes and ...uhh, getting kicked off
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 07:17 p.m. // on // Monday, February 10, 2003 //
Hummin' to // Storm by Lifehouse //
feeling sorta // Water's getting harder to tread... //
How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head
If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I could see you
This darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right
I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right
I know that they say all songs relate to people and they think it's "their" song. But this song really depicts my life as a christian. God is beautiful, and I love Him so. He'll always be there to catch me, and It'll be okay. A lot of love songs overexaggerate things and it sort of makes me mad that they have to do that, but this song is really just...there. amazing to the point where I'm in tears thinking my life with God could be so much better, and I could really relate to a song that purely rejoices him, no doubts, no looking back down to earth. yeah, well, that's bout it. I always get so dramatic with words, don't I? Maybe it's being raised in this community that's done it to me. I should stop watching T.V. or something. Oh well. G'bye.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 01:48 p.m. // on // Sunday, February 9, 2003 //
Hummin' to // Bad Day - Something Corporate //
feeling sorta // blah //
I should have gone to church today. I feel bad. I always find a reason not to go. There's not even a certainty as to whether I really have a "home" church...I don't go there very often, and I find that I dislike most of the people there..to the point where I can't focus on my love for God...That's not the best environment for me to be right now. I may try Jenie's church again...But of course, It'll come to how to get a ride to there without frustrating the shit out of my mom. today, I'll get to reading dante's inferno...I'll save my homework for tomorrow.
Back to the melodrama...I miss everything. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm really stupid. I can't get over "what used to be" and stuff. It's really making me angry, frustrating...thinking about how life used to be really easy, How I didn't have to care about eternal damnation and...well...my future on earth too. I feel like I have this heavy burden as a christian...Too many responsibilities...Just wanna run away from it, but then I know I can't escape God or anything like that...I'm like an ant in an ant farm...between two pieces of glass where god's just always there..watching and waiting for me to fail so he can forgive me.
That's enough contemplating for one uhh...entry x.x I need money, I need a job, I need a car, I need a license, I need to take driver's ed...i need to get my mom to take me there....And I still have to convince her to let me have that party..OH NOW I REMEMBER. x.x I was really confused cuz I called wendy for some reason, and I didn't remember why and I just hung up. x.x welps, gotta go now -_-
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 12:39 p.m. // on // Saturday, February 8, 2003 //
Hummin' to // I Think I'm Paranoid by Garbage //
feeling sorta // refreshed //
I slept..a lot. I went to sleep at 2:30 and woke up at around 10...I guess that's not that much, but compared to what I've been getting for the week, it's a lazy day ^_^ Anyway, Sarah's coming over and we're going to do our math project together. Her sister needs to borrow my art pens ;_; i payed fifty bux for those, oh well ._. I'm doing like a frickin' crapload of house chores today, laundry for me, my sister and my brother, (eww) and then I have to clean the kitchen, do dishes, clean the computer room, my room and my bathroom. blargh, then I have to do another crapload of homework. Stressful? I think so, but at least I get a day off on monday, just gonna do some homework at the local bookstore ^_^...I hope there wont be too many people there though, how annoying. I also have to try and finish paying off this computer I bought, I'm about a third through with the payment. x.x ...I still have to save for AX too...*sighs* when will I get through all this stress? n' i'm broke ¬_¬.
I'm going to start driver's ed soon, outside of school. I don't have time for it in school, too many other classes to take. blagh. then i'll get my permit, then i'll get my license, and then i'll get my altima ^_^ BUA HA HA HA HA HA. gotta go, i'll check in later
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 01:52 p.m. // on // Friday, February 7, 2003 //
Hummin' to // Storm by Lifehouse //
feeling sorta // stressed out //
Blargh, I'm in english right now, but nobody's doing anything so i'm just using the class computer x.x. Anyway, I took a quiz in math and a test in bio today, I went to sleep at around 2:30 AM last night. It sucks cuz I'm sooo not used to that schedule, and Wendy has even worse sleeping patterns. How does she live with it?
Anyway, I'm going to Amerige on Monday, cuz it's lincoln's birthday...lol, I'll celebrate by shopping. I was actually planning on going to Nordstrom Rack but it takes too long to get there and there's no library or bookstore near. whatever.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 05:07 p.m. // on // Wednesday, February 5, 2003 //
Hummin' to // Cello suite No.1, 1.Prelude //
feeling sorta // shiny //
Hello? <-----WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP SAYING THAT? uh, sorry bout that. Phew, In my english class, we're doing this research paper and it's gonna be around 8 pages long. blargh. My subject is: "The psychological aspects of combat and combat training in the U.S. military" I use the term 'military' in one of its more general senses. Nothing toooo specific as to which denomination the information comes from. We know that cooks in the army are going to be less trained in hand to hand combat than say, marines, however the general -in the middle- aspect of 'military' is what I'm going. I'm writing about things like behavorial and operant conditioning. Killin' ratios and the effect of better weaponry on the soldiers. etc etc etc.
if anybody can help me on this subject or get me an interview with a really good interviewable military person or veteran or something, it'd be great ^_^ g'night, afternoon and mornin', in reverse order!
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 07:16 p.m. // on // Monday, February 3, 2003 //
Hummin' to // The World is Not Enough by Garbage //
feeling sorta // sneezy //
I'm getting pretty pissed off right now. I don't know why...Things are all going downhill and I just can't be optimistic. It's so hard.
I'm torn between so many issues right now...My friend's Grandfather just died and he's really depressed. And while I'm trying to console him, I can't help but feel a little pissed off...Am I just playing the roll of the "there for you" friend? What am I doing really? And what has my sacrifice of time and morals done for his well being in the end? We need a little validation here, the middle man (symbolistic terms)...
Yeah, in the movies, we're the background characters, but what's there without us? Without somebody like me, there wouldn't be something like special people, who need to be consoled and guided and cried for through life. And what do I have? At least I know that I have a higher understanding, right? And they feel like i'm the misguided one, and I very well may be, but we're not all cliches, there's one thing I have to keep my mind on and it's so hard to do that with all these obstacles.
Christian life is very hard. It is when You're striving to make it right, but all these things get in the way and nobody understands. Yeah, I put my life into something and everytime I go off a little, I always have to feel guilty and to blame. If I'm in a fight, I don't get to be right. I'll always be wrong, and it sickens me. I'll always be the wrong one, I'll always be the one trying to patch it up in the end. And it makes me the better person, right? It's all for the better in the end. And then I get to thinking, what if there is no end? And then of course, it comes to "well I could have done a lot of other things" and then I realize that there's not much to do at all, human life sucks. Then I feel like I have to make the most of my time here, and then it goes all around again. did that make any sense? I'm organizing my thoughts...There aren't revisions though, so you'll have to bear with me. Is it blasphemous to do the things I do? I insult people all the time, I've commited countless sins and yet God will be there for me in the end.
Many would say "and if he's not there, then well, you lived well anyway" but it's NOT like that, if there's that amount of doubt or what you'll call it, I dont' have the true light. Is this what they were talking about? How would "they" know? It's really scary to think about this, and the problems normal people have don't seem so big anymore. We're talking about eternity...eternity isn't even a time frame, here. It's like...forever doesn't include time, it's just a way to be, there'll be no such thing as time...how scary. it'll just "be" at least that's what I'm gathering. Then "i got stabbed in the arm" doesn't seem so big...Until it happens...Why are we like this? What happens to people when they can't think for themselves anymore? What's conditioning got to do with it? We shouldn't play with human nature. It'll only lead to controlling it.
what am i talking about? I zoned out...she's trying to take control and it's pissing me off.
This particular rant took place at // 11:12 p.m. // on // Saturday, February 1, 2003 //
Hummin' to // so like a rose by garbage //
feeling sorta // shiny //
I'm feelin' pretty okay. I just finished watching the whole first season of firefly on my sis' computy.
It's really a good series. Horrible that it's getting cancelled ._. damn fox. Oh well. If you like, however, there is a way to keep it up using a petition n' stuff. I forgot the link, but you know that huge site which what hosts all the petitions n' crap, yeah, just look up firefly and you can ..uhh..petition. I did, well, my sis' did for me, but it was under my approval o.o
I'm thinking psychology isn't as great as I first thought. Well, it may be great n' whatnot, but it's pretty confusing. The subject range is so diverse, There are the neo-freudians, and the behaviorists and all that stuff. the fields are so far apart in theory that it's hard not to be torn in two different directions.
I dunno what I'm gonna do, it's frustrating n' confusing and I'm not so sure I really want to take up psychology anymore. I'd like to do something with a nice solid schedule. You know? something I can always rely on and don't have to question every time a case comes up. Maybe..MAYBE i'll be a ..uh. scientist o.O wait, that all relies on chance @.x flah, i'll be a logician-but that requires psychology. It all falls back on psychology. teaching, being a doctor, a lawyer, a politician. Everything we have relies on humans, and humans, in turn, rely on their brains. It's funny cuz psychology DEALS with brains and all that is humanity.
I can get pretty philosophical when it comes down to it. Anyway, My original point was that I didn't know which field of psychology I want to go into, if any. If somebody would give me some advice, i'd feel a lot better.
This brings me to another point, advice. Nobody ever asks me for it anymore. I feel kinda...useless....considering I used to be sort of the advice lady. *sighs* it's hard to imagine that I've lost some of my friends' confidances. And depressing. I feel a bit empty as of late. It's nothing too bad at least. Nothing compared to the complete emptiness one must feel after losing a loved one. But how can you feel more than complete emptiness? i mean, what if you lost two equally cherished loved ones? lol, it's funny-how much Americans dramatize their words. It's as if "i feel bad" isn't good enough...It has to be "oh god, the world is over, why did this have to happen? I need to kill myself" or something like that. I'm beginning to imagine that we're turning korean *shock factor* "omo omo omona!"
Have I no sense of decency? blah, whatever, I'm feeling sleepy and tired n' stuff. Nothing to the point of "i'm so freakin' sleepy, just kill me, I can rest then. I can rest and be at peace....never open my eyes again......forever............eternity into the darkness" *floats off into the darkness all melodramatically n' such*
This particular rant took place at // 04:23 p.m. // on // Wednesday, January 29, 2003 //
Hummin' to // some weird crap o.O //
feeling sorta // o.O <-- like that //
lar lar lar, mesa bored. watchin' alias o.O la la la
annoying? lol. I'm bored -_-.
Well, what happened today? ...noneventful stuff. Psycho class is going good..My teacher's right ear is like deaf, and I'm on the right side of the class, so every time I want to say something, I have to practically yell it out. blah x.x
^ that was random... I think i'm going to make one of those survey things. that'd be cool...And forward them to everybody, but no, that would just be weird cuz half the people I know would know all this stuff about me and it's just weird o.O I got called a nerd today. Nobody calls me a nerd, it's just not done. blagh. It was in bio, I was apparently the only person in the class who knew what Mitochondria was. They're all idiots, in my opinion.
I might take up piano again. It all depends on my mom. She might stop working soon cuz it wont be necessary, then I could get a ride from her to all my classes. It'll only be for a little while though, I'm hoping to get my license soon. welps, gotta go, buhbye @.x
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 05:11 p.m. // on // Monday, January 27, 2003 //
Hummin' to // stigmatized by The Calling //
feeling sorta // laughing //
I'm at home, not doing much. Wendy's over, she's trying to learn a hip hop dance routine. lol, a bunch of ballerinas doing hip hop, x.x.
Anywayz, I just got back from all my new classes. Korean is just fuckin' weird. My teacher is a psycho and she doesn't speak fluent english, she can't spell agenda and she can't teach worth shit. ugh. luckily, my next teacher is well versed in the English language. I like him a lot- good teacher I expect. Period 3 is PE and my teacher is a JACKASS. I heard he was nice and I was trying to be friendly and he was being a sarcastic shitball the whole time. Seriously, way to ruin a good student attitude. O.o blargh, period four is the same, period five I have bio, but a new student teacher who has the most ANNOYING voice, blah, and my arch nemesis (of sorts) is in that class too, she's soooo loud, I severely dislike her. period 6 is also the same, but the most annoying kid isn't in there anymore so I have a little more freedom. blah,
well, that's just a review, the day feels a little longer, I no longer have two free periods where I do basically nothing. oh well...At least I'll be productive through the rest of the day ^_^. gotta go now.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 07:00 p.m. // on // Saturday, January 25, 2003 //
Hummin' to // first love by utada hikaru //
feeling sorta // jubilent? lol, //
i'm at Jenie's house at the moment. Not doing much, listening to some music. Lol, I pushed jenie and jasmin in a shopping cart around the parking lot. It was sooo funny, mwa ha ha ha, but now i'm super tired x.x, and I got full of jelly beans, soo..full.
anyhoot, I'm gonna make a bloggy thing for jenie, and silvina and andria are on my list too. blah, blah blah blah x.x sooo...busy..too much homework.
I'm thinking of a design that will suit jenie's uhm..yeah, like, you know x.x good stuff. gotta go, dinner time...so full, x.x blah.
-kiki
This particular rant took place at // 08:49 p.m. // on // Friday, January 24, 2003 //
Hummin' to // simpsons' intro song o.O //
feeling sorta // bored to death, sorta tired //
I woke up at like, 7 today. It's weird because It wasn't a school day, yet my biological clock told me to wake up at that time. well, i actually woke up at 6 and tried to go back to sleep, but by seven, the claustrophobia of the blanket got to me and I had to get up. blagh. Anyway, I just got back from watching Lotr;TTT for like, the fifth time and It really gave me a headache. Seriously, I almost fell asleep. Glagh, it's easy for me, I slept through jurassic park @.x...
I beat some people up and chased my friend around the movie theater cuz he hit me with his jacket o.O pissed me off, he did. And Mike is REALLY good at gollum impersonations. Seriously, he sounds just like him.
Anyway, I'm going to my first psycho class in a few days, I hope it's all it's cracked up to be. My mother tells me to mind other people and i drank milk. The ushers came up twice to shut us up. ha ha....ha o.O i didn't drink milk, i haven't drunken milk for like...frickin...a year? x.x and i'm 5'10, that's just too weird. ah well, I have to go now. "goodbye...precioussssss"
-sushi
This particular rant took place at // 01:58 p.m. // on // Thursday, January 23, 2003 //
Hummin' to // days go by - Dirty Vegas //
feeling sorta // mood swingy, but currently - content //
Life's a bitch, yeah, but I should learn to accept that. With me, usually, with a little opposition, i get all crazy and stuff. It's actually quite scary if you're not used to it. lol o.O
I've written a new poem, it's kind of confusing, but it portrays a message about a sort of "chain of life" thing. Wendy unconsciously pitched me the idea while talking about a book, fahrenheit 451. It's a little scary. if you want to read it, i guess I'll post a poetry section here eventually, i'll post all my poems and you people can read it. If you want to go read it, sign on the the iwg, which i have a link to, scroll down on the poets section and find the last name "young". thass my page of crazznanny. o.o. yeah. I'm making up some weird words o.O
oh, listening to hikari by utada hikaru right now. I have a pretty set list of songs on my playlist, it's a small list, but they're all my favorites...No need to load it with a bunch of linkin park inbetween good songs ^_^ i believe chicken is the most versatile food. You can eat it in salads, sandwiches, barbecues, diets, protein snacks, seasoning, main course, side course, with mushrooms, etc etc. It's soooo versatile ^^! And yet, it maintains its uniqueness. yeah, well, i'm getting kinda psycho now.
there's a few people in my english class, and i'm probably the craziest among them, but even so, they are a weeeeird group of people. we were playing 'rock paper scissors' today, and i kept winning and slapping them silly, so one of them rolled up some paper and smacked me over the head, at which point, i became angry and bit a random hand...welll...I hope that person didn't have salmonella or anything. o.O
poor jay, he kept losing the game and he got beat up x.x. I just realized that I use too many commas in my sentences. They have no structure. Such is my life without a teacher breathing down my neck about proper grammar and spelling usage. blah.
Is it just me or were these some EASY finals? I did unexpectedly well on all of them! weird x.x. I got an A on my P.E. final, which i wish not to talk about, I got..uhm, a not so great grade on my bio final, but that's only because my teacher told me all I had to get was a 39 not to go down a grade, and that I couldn't go UP a grade, so there really was no reason to even finish the test, but I got a 72. <--- I didn't do the last set of matching questions, they were giving me a headache. , I didn't have an office aid final, thank god. That would have just been weird. I did REALLY well on my math final if I can remember correctly, I got the trapezoid problem wrong, but only realized it after. I got a hundred percent on my art final, cuz she wasn't even grading it, -_- it was basically 25 pts extra credit, and I got an A definately on my english final. However, that last one doesn't make a difference cuz my grade cant get changed in that class either. All my grades are right in the middle, dammit. >.< coke dries out your mouth *blah*
this is a pretty long entry, whatever. Good luck to wendy on her superbowl practice and performance, which i've probably said a hundred times -but hey, it's a once in a lifetime chance. So is high school, isn't it? not since all those high school diploma achieving adult "programs" that have come out...whatever o.O. fa la la la la la la, yeah yeah yeah. come to happy with me? la mia risposta is on now. by laura pausini, yesterday's song if i can remember. literally i mean,... holy crap, did I type "come to happy with me"? i dont' remember that... wow...i wonder if aliens kidnapped me x.x i must have been day dreaming. buhbye everybody
-kiki